i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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