remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
