You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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