she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
