I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
