whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
