They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
