guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My ass is underappreciated
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
