I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
