so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
