singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
