Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You can't special order awesome
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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