The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
