47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
