i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
