Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
