How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
