I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
