i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
