6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
