My girlfriend figured out who you are.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
