i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
