the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
