I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
