She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
