Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
