Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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