he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
