So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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