he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
