You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
