Apparently you make a good broom.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
