you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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