i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
