This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
