He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I need to align my fucking chakras
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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