Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
