Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
