this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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