I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
