Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
