Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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