Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
