Say something about gay babies.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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