Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
