"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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