i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
