You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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