Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
