Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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