I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
my liver is dry heaving
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
