Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
