Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
