I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
