i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I understand Curling. That high.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Why is there bacon in the couch?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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