My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
